Shadow's Super Happy Fun Angst Game Of Doom!
by ThatGuy58
Summary: Shadow The Hedgehog, The local ultimate lifeform, decides to help an evil alien named Black Doom overthrow humanity, in exchange for information of his past. Chapter 2: Non-Eggman ciruses and teh internets galore!
1. Chapter 1: Westopolis and Lethal Highway

**Shadow's**

**SUPER**

**HAPPY **

**FUN**

**ANGST**

**GAME **

**OF**

**DOOM!**

**58: Yes! A Shadow the Hedgehog parody! NOONE HAS THOUGHT OF THAT YET!**

**Shadow: Yes they have. And while we're on the subject of parodies… why haven't you updated your other fanfics yet?**

**58: … (Uses super cape to escape)**

**Chapter 1: MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Or logic does not exist. Please insert token to continue.**

It was a bright, happy, sunny, day and teen couples were kissing, hugging, or "playing" while teens who didn't have dates were "playing by themselves" The only person not doing any of these things was Shadow, who was staring into the sky like the supreme emo he was.

"I'M NOT EMO!"

Shut up. Anyhow he was looking at the sky when he heard a voice whispering.

"_Shadow….. SHADOW…Sha-_ OW! YOU IDIOTS! YOU RUINED MY ENTRANCE!"

It turns out the voice was non other… a BIG TENTECLE MONSTER!

"Are you my 10:00" Shadow asked in a bored voice.

"No! I'm Black Doom, The evilest lawyer and alien/villain ever! And I want you to find all the Chaos Emeralds!"

"Why the hell should I?" Shadow asked in an angry fashion.

"Because, if you give me the emeralds, I'll reveal… YOUR PAST!

(Cue Dun dun DUN! Sound)

Shadow thought about this for a second. "So if I give you, an evil illegal alien bent on world domination, the seven most powerful gems in the galaxy, you'll show me my past?"

"Yes."

"… That's _completely_ fair."

"Cool, so get me the seven Chaos Emerald and bring them to the Black Comet, oh and by the way, my army of evil, illegal, aliens are going to invade in five seconds, kaythanksbye!" Doom summed up before leaving.

"..what?" Almost as if it was shear coincidence, as soon as those words were said, the peaceful town of Westopolis erupted into chaos.

It was Pandemonium: volume twelve uncensored. Laser beams from nowhere blasted buildings and cars. Corpses of men, women and children littered the streets. The only difference this time was, instead of terrorist, it was aliens. The government was doing what it did best: Being useless. This was the world that Shadow the Hedgehog found. And he was about to search the area when he ran into:

"SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?"

"Hey Shads," Sonic said as the game did a close up of his face and revealed his name in all caps. "These black aliens are destroying the city. Want to help me kill all of them?"

The player knew from these events that she should've just bought Sonic Heroes instead of listening to everyone who said it was sucky.

Sonic and Shadow were going around town, kicking a** and taking names, when they found a cage guarded by the black creature. One dead alien later Shadow went up to the now opened cage, and found… A CHAOS EMERALD!

Congratulations, if you fill up your hero gauge, you can use chaos control to zoom through the stage!

Congratulations, if you fill up your dark gauge, you can use chaos blast to use fireballs of death!

Just after the emerald, Shadow found Black Doom… sort of.

"Hello Shadow! Seeing as how I'm the boss, I can't appear in person, so I sent my fourth eye to watch you." Doom explained.

"Wait, isn't that painful?"

"… I don't like to talk about it. Back to where I was, I want you to DESTORY ALL HUMANS in the area, because random terror always works!" Shadow thought about it for a while before responding with: "That doesn't make any sense."

"Welcome to _Shadow the hedgehog_ buddy."

A few minute later of killing everything.

Sonic and Shadow were watching three G.U.N. beetles as a quartet got ready as their part came up. Sonic suggested that Shadow use his homing attack to get across. Shadow then attack one and got ready to attack the others when-

"SHADOW! STOP!"

So Shadow stopped… then fell to his death.

"What was that?" The player demanded.

"He was attacking those poor defenseless G.U.N. beetles."

"DEFENSELESS? THEY SHOOT BULLETS AT YOU!"

"Just because they shoot bullets at people, doesn't mean they can protect themselves."

**Several aliens/ military folk later**

Shadow was speeding along until he came to a door which had five key locks.

"What's this?" He asked in that deep voice of his. However Black Doom showed up out of nowhere and told him.

"This is the door of Antioch. Behind this door is Pandora's box which, when opened will spell doom for humanity. Evil beings like griffins and ogres will attack the humans UNTIL THE WORLD ITSELF ENDS!" Black Doom then proceeded to laugh for a long amount of time before…

"It's just something to make the levels less painful aren't they?

"Yes, yes they are." So the jet black hedgehog used his lock-picking skills to unlock the door to find, not just a gun… but an armored vehicle

"Ohhhhhh, look, it's an armored car and- wait… why is it behind a locked door and has the keys inside?"

**Earlier**

"By locking the door and scattering the keys all over the town, nobody will be able to steal my car while the keys are inside and the door is unlocked." a, not to bright, G.U.N. soldier stated after closing the door. And of course when he tried the door…

"Honey, I've done it again!"

Four hours of 4X4 terror later

Shadow saw a Chaos Emerald right in the middle of a giant ring and two things were going through his mind: He was going to get the emerald and he hoped that his car wouldn't get stolen. So Shadow picked up the Chaos Emerald and-

SHADOW GOT THE CHAOS EMERALD!

SPECIAL STAGE CLEAR!

CHAOS EMERALD

2/7

Black Doom showed up as a hologram and, boy was he mad.

"Shadow!" He raged, "Why did you pick up the emerald you traitor?"

"Look Doom, you wanted the emeralds, I'm getting you the emeralds. That was the deal-"

"I have made changes to the deal! Pray I don't change any further! Now meet me on the highway in eleven minutes, and by the way, I took a dump on your car." The alien responded. Shadow went to check if it was true… and it was. While Shadow epically screamed no, somewhere, Mr. Bison was screaming "YES! YES!

Act 2: Highways are lethal?

Shadow was still mourning his car when Black Doom reappeared on the scene for the newest update.

"Hello Shadow, we are through with this hellhole of a city. Now I need you to protect mah pimpmobile from a certain blue hedgehog." The black hedgehog, while hearing his boss say this, saw a motorcycle across the street. It was then he realized that he didn't need some stupid car, but instead a sweet two wheeler.

"That bike across the street… it's calling out to me…. Is this what its like to be… in love?" Shadow thought as the bike sat there.

"But don't worry, it has a shield to make it seem like the enemy's attacks are useless when they are actually breaking the shield and even if the tank is destroyed, we saved 15% or more by SWITCHING TO GIECO! MWAHAHAHAH- hey, where did you go?" The alien eye asked as the motorcycle speed away.

Some chasing later

Shadow approached the alien pimpmobile that had super stereos and sweet headlights.

"Alien craft," He said in his best Arnold Swarzenaggar impression "Prepare to be… Shadow-naited!" The player was not amused. Shadow then sped on his motorbike to the vehicle.

Inside said vehicle…

"Sir, something black and red is coming straight towards us!"

"Release the bombs and leave me alone while I am on the toilet!"

"You heard him men- TO THE TOILETS!"

The alien pimpmobile then started to drop bombs in front of Shadow's bike. He tried and tried and tried to stop the bike but… it stopped on a dime.

"Well thank goodness it stopped in front of this fully armed bomb… I should kick it!" And he did. "Now that I've kicked this, once again, fully operational bomb… I should host a soccer tournament!" And he did. "Now that the sports tournament is over I should probably shoot the bomb because I can!" At this point players everywhere decided that this cannot be the real Shadow. And when Shadow shot the bomb, it blew up the section of the highway and took the motorcycle with it.

"BIKE! NOOOOO! WHY? WHY NOT TAKE ME INSTEAD! THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS GAME!" The emo hedgehog sobbed.

"YEAH! WHY COULDN'T IT BEEN YOU?" gamers everywhere agreed.

Shadow then stopped sobbing because across the street was a ford coupe.

"Who the hell would leave such a sexy car in the open?" Shadow questioned.

Earlier…

A black mage and a white mage were standing in the middle of a random highway.

"Why are you leaving an expensive car on the highway?" The white mage asked. The black mage just chuckled.

"It's all part of my evil plan dear White Mage." He said. "It's all part of my plan..." The player was shocked.

"So wizards actually did do it!"

In the present

Shadow, in his hot car, finally came to the craft and with a chain gun and dressed in ammo like Rambo, the black hedgehog opened fire on the craft. Twenty minutes later Shadow had used up all his ammo and the craft was still shielded.

"3#$%! Why won't this 3#$% thing die?" He yelled as he threw a rock at the craft.

The alien pimpmobile exploded

As alien flesh rained on the sidewalk, Black Doom only said this: "Rocks…. OUR ONE WEAKNESS!"

Act 2 1/2: Shadow plays with an ugly puppy.

Westopolis. What once was a happy ordinary city became a terrorized wasteland of pride, prejudice, and aliens. Black Doom cornered Shadow here… even though they were suppose to be fleeing the city.

"Shadow! First I tell you to get the emeralds, then I tell you to screw the emeralds (and STOP laughing) then I tell you to protect my pimped out tank! Do you know how many chicks I got with that thing? Now I am forced to sick my pet on you! Kill him Mr. Cuddles!"

"Oh I'm so scared." Shadow mocked "Don't sick Mr. Cuddles on me. I wouldn't like to be hugged to death."

At this point, a giant ugly… thing, entered the area. To imagine what it was like to see this thing, imagine something so ugly that if you were merely in its presence, you would poop yourself. That is an understatement. One time a Basilisk looked straight at it and the basilisk died! If that don't paint a pretty picture, then nothing does. Needless to say, one thought was going through Shadow's mind: I'm ****ing screwed.

A bunch of words appeared spelling out Black Bull. Then, realizing their mistake, spelt out Mr. Cuddles. The sausage beast opened the fight with a sonic wave attack which did a hefty bit of damage to the city. Many people wept for those who died, but some were laughing because their insurance covered alien attacks.

_Meanwhile, outside the story…_

The reader is reading the story to see if this was a serious and dramatic story.

"Blablabla Chaos Emeralds BLA!"

"Blablabla Black Bull BLA!"

"Blablablabla?"

"Bla."

Oh, stolen Yugioh abridged jokes, never mind.

_Back to the Battle_

Shadow was weighing his options. He could either A. use his gun to kill it, but he's out of ammo, or B. Kamikaze his car into it, but sadly he left it on the highway.

"WHY DID I COME BACK HERE?"

"Perfect." Doom said while rubbing his… tentacles together. "Keep staying within homing attack distance so he could reach 's eye, men!"

The player was getting impatient, until something occurred to him.

"Hey," The player said. "Can't you use Chaos Control?" Suddenly everyone stopped processing this fact. Black Bull suddenly disappeared in a puff of logic because everyone knows that, in battle, Shadow WILL use Chaos Control.

"What the hell Shadow?" Doom yelled. "You blew up ! WHY?"

"Because you tried to kill me! And you let your men kill me and you send me on stupid missions, and I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE! So screw you Black Doom, I'm going to get the Chaos emeralds and I must hunt down the one person who knows my past."

"W-W-Who is that?"

"Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik." And with that, Shadow walked off. He saw Sonic sometime later.

"Shadow! Thank goodness I found you! The Black Arms have some sort of tank guarded by a killer sausage! Let's go!"

"Too late 'Faker'. I'm already done here."

"oh…"

"See you later… slow poke." Shadow then ran off. Sonic looked on, depressed, then he got a razor and cut himself while weeping.

Part 2 ¼: Fear the Eggman Empire… oh and G.U.N. goes to war with a black hedgehog or something

_Back at the ranch… or Military Headquarters._

The G.U.N. general was off his meds. This had been a hectic month. First of all he mistook the greatest animal hero of all time for a criminal, then Prison Island blew up, after that a GIANT SPACE STATION almost destroyed Earth and only after Sonic and Shadow saved the world he considered calling back all the robots. And that's not even mentioning the whole "Metal Sonic going off his rocker" fiasco and what's left of Station Square. And now the Black Arms. And, this may very well be a joke, the scientist claim that they mastered time travel and a blue hedgehog, as well as a purple cat, will sink their battleship that is being worked on as we speak.

"Sir!" I random G.U.N. soldier started, "We were able to evacuate Westopolis… well we would've but everyone was dead when we got there so there was no point in it. We also spotted Shadow the Hedgehog-"

"SHADOW? MY MORTAL ENEMY? I should've known! After all I could recognize him a mile away."

"Right." The female player said sarcastically

A couple years earlier

The G.U.N. General was shown footage of Shadow stealing a chaos emerald.

"MEN! GET SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND KILL HIM!"

Now…

"Okay men if you see Shadow, kill him!" the general concluded

"But-"

"DON'T YOU POINT YOUR BUTT AT ME, SOLDIER!"

**And now for something completely different.**

"HOHOHOHOHO! I have now completed my newest circus attraction: Circus Park! With all the rings I have, I shall make billions!" Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik bragged. He was standing in front of his latest casino base: Circus Park. If your wondering why Eggman is building a new base when he has bullet station, due to Metal Sonic going insane on him and doing a coup' eat on him, there was no point on having the heroes break into his lair again.

"Sir!" One of the Egg pawns shouted, frantic about something. "The Black Arms are trying to attack Cryptic Castle and G.U.N. is getting closer to your James Bond villain lair!"

"What? Oh no, all my secret data on my status as Sonic Colors Wii's final boss is in Cryptic Castle! And my coffee machine is in my James Bond villain lair!" And with that, Dr. Eggman fled screaming "CURSE YOU WHATEVER GUN STANDS FOR!"

In a location that cannot be given…

Tails, once again used his rocket Metal Sonic to see what Robotnik was up to. He looked horrified at what Robotnik was planning. What was he planning?

" Robotnik has stolen several hundred of the many billion rings! This is serious business! Luckily I, Miles 'Tails' Prower, knows what's going on. To the Tornado!" Tails screamed as he swooshed to the plane. And so he was off. On his quest for justice! Off to save the rings foil Dr. Eggman's plot and- OH WHO AM I KIDDING? He's screwed, case closed.

**Next Time**

**-Casino Park ( Yes, That Casino Park,) is finally parodied!**

**-Shadow and Rouge visit teh internets!**

**-Shadow and Amy visit Dr. Eggman's Castle… did we mention it is full of ghost?**

**- Eggman gets a new catchphrase!**

**-The Military gets gets their **** together!**

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**Naw, I was just teasing.**

**Shadow's Super Happy Fun Angst, game of doooom! **


	2. Chapter 2: Circus Park & Digital Circuit

**A Fair warning to those of you who read the last chapter: This one has been split into two parts due to how long it was getting ( This alone is 15 pages) And it shall be continued later. Now back to the program**

Shadow's Super, Happy, Fun, Angst, Game of Doom!

Act 3: Circus Park: Totally not bad future Casino Park

Last Time on Shadow's super happy- oh you get the point.

"_No! I'm Black Doom, The evilest lawyer and alien/villain ever! And I want you to find all the Chaos Emeralds!"_

"_Why the hell should I?" Shadow asked in an angry fashion._

"_Because, if you give me the emeralds, I'll reveal… YOUR PAST!_

_It was Pandemonium: volume twelve uncensored. Laser beams from nowhere blasted buildings and cars. Corpses of men, women and children littered the streets. The only difference this time was, instead of terrorist, it was aliens._

"_Hello Shadow! Seeing as how I'm the boss, I can't appear in person, so I sent my fourth eye to watch you." Doom explained._

"_Wait, isn't that painful?"_

"… _I don't like to talk about it. Back to where I was, I want you to DESTORY ALL HUMANS in the area, because random terror always works!" Shadow thought about it for a while before responding with: "That doesn't make any sense."_

"_Welcome to Shadow the hedgehog buddy."_

"_By locking the door and scattering the keys all over the town, nobody will be able to steal my car while the keys are inside and the door is unlocked." a, not too bright, G.U.N. soldier stated after closing the door. And of course when he tried the door…_

"_Honey, I've done it again!"_

_As alien flesh rained on the sidewalk, Black Doom only said this: "Rocks…. OUR ONE WEAKNESS!"_

_The reader is reading the story to see if this was a serious and dramatic story._

"_Blablabla Chaos Emeralds BLA!"_

"_Blablabla Black Bull BLA!"_

"_Blablablabla?"_

"_Bla."_

_Oh, stolen Yugioh abridged jokes, never mind._

_So screw you Black Doom, I'm going to get the Chaos emeralds and I must hunt down the one person who knows my past."_

"_W-W-Who is that?"_

"_Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik."_

_Sonic looked on, depressed, then he got a razor and cut himself while weeping._

Wow. We are defiantly not getting most cheerful fanfiction of the year.

Shadow arrived at Circus Park, the most non-Eggmanish amusement park ever, which is certainly not controlled by Dr. Eggman. Dr. Eggman is not here.

"Blast! Where is that (Naughty) fourth, stinkin', Chaos Emerald?" Shadow yelled to the heavens. His question was immediately answered by the _Tornado _flying in overhead. Tails was flying at ludicrous speed. Shadow looked at the graceful flying machine as it flew in then sky… oh wait, it crashed.

"So Tails crashed here huh? Well at least if I can make my way to his plane, I'll snag the fourth chaos emerald. It'll be like getting all of the worlds nuclear weapons from a baby." Shadow thought to himself as he ran through the park to catch Tails.

At Circus Park, Tails was looking over Eggman's amusement park with a mixture of joy and anger. "Wow," he started while looking around the place, "Dr. Eggman's theme park looks like fun! If he didn't take rings from all over the world, then I would've enjoyed coming here." Then he spotted Shadow, with all his emoness.

"I'M NOT EMO!"

**Player: Right… **

Tails looked quite elated to see Shadow here. "Hey Shadow! Dr. Eggman's taken 400 rings from all over the world to build this theme park. Let's give these rings back to the people."

**Player: Wait… Don't Rings respawn like in Sonic 3D Blast?**

Tails said nothing.

**Player: and aren't there billions of rings?**

Tails stayed silent.

**Player: and how many people actually use rings instead of money?**

Tails was broken at this point, his confidence completely shattered.

**Player: I could literally go on for days about what little sense this makes!**

"Then stop talking about it! This game has enough plot holes already!"

Shadow continued to make his way to the crash sight… wherever that is, when all of a sudden, Dr. Eggman… on a TV appeared.

"Oh, hello Shadow!" Dr. Eggman said as he was introduced by the game. "Don't you love Circus Park? If you do, then please do me a favor and destroy all those G.U.N. robots will you?"

**Player: Why is the government tearing down illegal amusement parks when there are evil aliens running around? I mean, even Richard Nixon would get on this right away!**

"Then again, they are G.U.N. …"

**Player: Oh yeah…**

"Listen Dr," Shadow was getting pretty mad at this point. "I want to know my past so just tell me now, or I'll throw you into the half of the moon that you blew up two games ago!"

"Settle down Shadow. After all, you spent all day running around for that strange octopus. Maybe you should just enjoy the park. My only request is that you do something about those G.U.N. robots. And don't disturb my other robots while they're performing."

Shadow, with this knowledge, left for… who knows.

Game 1: Hit the Target!

Shadow was running when he ran into a purple ball, which sent him flying into the nose of a neon picture of Eggman's face. This same face was the one that was not only an eyesore, and just looking at it made you want to punch an orphan in the face, but this face brainwashed everyone into reelecting President George W. Bush. That's how evil it was.

"Congratulations!" It shouted, "You have bopped me on the nose, you d**k! You get 50 rings!" The rings went into shadow's pocket and filled him with energy. Sadly, his back was still broken. Maybe if he had 200 more rings it would heal.

Game two: Pop the balloons!

Shadow continued through Circus Park while whacking those noses because, as that saying goes, "Money can cure anything! (Except lung disease. See? It's educational!)" Shadow arrives at a strange clock floating in the sky… somehow.

**Player: This game is just dancing on Sir Isaac Newton's grave.**

Shadow approached the clock and shot it. The clock then started jumping around like it was having a seizure.

"Welcome to the balloon game!" Eggman's voice rang out. I am your host, Dr. Ivo Robotnik and this is a test of accuracy. If you can hit those balloons, you get all sorts of fabulous prizes!"

**Player: Like what?**

"… You're really getting your hopes up in this game?"

**Player: Good point.**

The player then got ready to use his/her FPS skills to the fullest. They were going to ace it. Nothing could stop them!

Then they remembered that this was_ 'Shadow the Hedgehog' _They silently wept.

"Wow. Stormtroopers are better shots then you." Eggman said.

"Screw you Doctor!" was the miffed reply. Shadow was ready to jet when he saw a bar in midair. Shadow, sadly, failed to see that this was attached to a rollercoaster.

Hours of barfing later…

It was finally time to go to the most feared part of the park: The Big Top! A name so horrifying that evil the lord of darkness himself Mephilis , shuddered just thinking about it. Shadow was faced with entering this Gaia-forsaken place because, apparently, Dr. Eggman was too cheap to build a way around it.

"I can't believe this. After surviving the military, a fall to space, and a rampaging robot, I get bested by a circus tent."

**Player: Some ultimate life-form you are**.

"In my defense, you don't have to deal with a cocky hedgehog, a communist fox, and a fat, egg obsessed guy who makes robots for a living!"

**Player: But I still had to put up with… the barrel…**

Shadow, noticing that the player crawled into some corner of their room due to barrel induced trama, finally got the guts to enter… The Big Top!

(Insert lightning sound here)

Shadow then realized that the doctor wanted him to jump through hoops… that were on fire… on a rope… over a pit of man eating… butterflies with laser beams attached to their heads?

"Yeah, I already have lava sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, and these were the only ones left. Just roll with it."

**Player: Oh boy. Lava Shelter is going to be so much fun. I can't wait to get killed by lava sharks with laser beams attached to their heads**.

"And they have rocket launchers and can fly."

**Player: WHAT?**

Several hours of rope jumping later…

The rollercoaster was carrying only one person: Shadow. And he thought working for Doom was stupid. Well this was a wake-up call of why Doom is the best boss ever. As he was about to grab the fourth Chaos Emerald…

"STOP!"

Shadow was shocked by Black Doom tackling him. Doom then started slapping him screaming "DON'T DO IT MAN! DON'T DO IT!"

"What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem is that you were about to create a time paradox! Now get rid of that third Chaos Emerald and listen to me. We are going to re-gain that third emerald in order for this story to make sense."

"This story never made sense!"

"You're just figuring this out now? Now come on. You're going to the one place scarier then the circus."

Shadow looked very nervous. He asked the question even though he knew the answer. "Teh Internets?"

"**Teh Internets!"**

**Cutscene unlocked: Teh Internets!**

**Act 4: Teh Internets!**

A black shape speed on the neon flooring of "Teh Internets" and up the red line. Then out popped our favorite-

"Don't even BEGIN to say it!"

-hedgehog. Shadow was pretty bent out of shape. First he was transported, molecule by F***ing molecule into a computer. Then Black Doom sent a virus to G.U.N. to slow them down. And before Shadow even left…

"I just want you to know, good luck. And we're all counting on you."

Then Doom gave him one more pimp-slap.

Shadow then ran out into the world wide web… then made a U-turn as he went to ask Black Doom what he was suppose to do.

Area one: Main street.

As everyone who watched a TV show about what the internet looks like will know, the entire online world looks like the movie Tron. Don't ask why, it just does. Main Street was full of programs doing ordinary stuff with some lightcycle races to break the monotony. On the city buildings, on the other hand, is where Shadow found himself, deleting anti virus programs when all of a sudden-

"ROUGE?"

"Hey Shadow," Rouge appeared on the building, using her acrobatics to jump calmly onto the floor. "The government sent me to purge the Black Arms from their system to protect the core of 'Teh Internets.' Want to come with?"

"Uh…"

Five minutes earlier…

"Okay Shadow." Dooms eye said tiredly. "You must go to the core of teh internets and destroy it."

"And why am I doing this?"

"You'll be destroying Sonadow fanfictions and… other pictures."

Shadow was very excited about the mission now. He seemed glad to have a part in this plan after all. Or maybe he was destroying the very part of his soul that haunted him. Either way, win-win.

Six minutes after saying yes…

Shadow and Rouge were walking around the rooftops as they saw a searchlight.

"Come on Shadow, We have to jump into that light."

"Rouge, I don't see how jumping into a searchlight will help us get to the core- I mean the emerald. But this is _Shadow The Hedgehog_…"

Shadow decided to risk it and he jumped into the light. Immediately he was pulled toward the light source while screaming like a baby.

**Player: What kind of moron installs searchlights like this for no reason?**

One month ago…

The Mayor of… whatever the internets was called, was making a speech.

"And so, with great gusto, I present these searchlights, which will pull whoever is in them to the light bulb, cracking their heads open like broken glass, for no reason!"

Everyone clapped while having on troll masks.

"Play us off Keyboard Cat!"

**Player: That answers my question.**

Area 2: The Highway.

Shadow and Rouge had gotten to the highway system, which went from on the ground to high in the sky. Lightcycles drove from point A to point Z on this highway.

"Can I get a ligh-

"No Shadow. We are going to take a more… direct approach."

"WHY ARE WE SPINNING ACROSS THE HIGHWAY!"

Indeed, Shadow and Rouge were spin dashing across the Highway, avoiding lightcycle riders and causing accidents. Rouge, on the other hand, was perfectly calm during the ride. That is until they got to the-

"FIREWALL!" The two Team Dark members separated as a giant red wall came up in the middle of the road. It was during this time that Black Doom caught up with Shadow using his fourth eye.

"DOOM?" Shadow asked in shock. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"I came here to see why you are screwing off with that white bat.! You are just in Area 2, and the Core is in level 5, area 4! You're slaking off!"

"You come all this way to tell me THAT?"

"Oh and by the way, I came here to tell you this; G.U.N. got through the firewall and is engaging the Black Arms. And G.U.N., Eggman, and I have the final Chaos Emeralds."

"WHAT?" (Shadow)

"WHAT?" (Rouge)

**Player: WHAT?**

"WHAT?" (Tails)

"WHAT?" (Eggman)

"WHAT?" (Kirby)

"WHAT?" (Parasol)

"WHAT?" (Pichu)

"WHAT?" (Eric Cartman)

"WHAT?" (Yami Yugi)

"WHAT?" (Blaze)

"WHAT?" (Silver)

"WHAT?" (Shortround)

"WHAT?" (Darth Vader)

"IT'S A TRAP!" (Admiral Ackbar)

The Death Star blows up.

Several hundred years ago…

"WHAT?"

"Maria," Gerald started, as he and Shadow looked worriedly at the little girl. "What is the matter?"

"I don't know grandfather. I don't know."

In the present…

"You mean to tell me that I would've had three of the seven Chaos emeralds?" Shadow demanded when he was off the highway.

"Yes."

"And that means that I would've finished this game in two- maybe three stages tops?" Shadow then proceeded to strangle Doom until he turned purple.

Intermission

Shadow was browsing through the internets when he saw a strange fanfiction called "Shadow's Super, Happy, Fun, Angst, Game of Doom!"

Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "Puzzled, he read a passage that said "-

TIME PARADOX!

The Red light district of the internets blew up.

**Player: Good Chaos, this is confusing! It's almost as painful as playing this game. Almost.**

Area 3: The elevators.

Finally, our two weary antiheroes made it to the chaos emerald chamber. Doom also wanted Shadow to go there because the secret entrance to Area 4 level 5 was in here, conveniently above the Chaos Emerald. The architects were apparently idiots. This became more obvious as Shadow saw that the only thing separating him from the emerald were… green bars.

**Player: Wait… So an ancient artifact that has caused numerous civilizations to destroy each other, and almost caused one species, to go extinct, is simply at the top of a shaft? Why not just put out neon signs telling us that it is out in the open? Or something? **

The black hedgehog then grabbed a bar. After a couple minutes, the bar disappeared while Shadow fell on another bar. He looked around but there were no platforms anywhere to jump to.

"Wait… there's no way to finish this level?" Shadow's Chaos Blast meter and his Chaos Control meter both filled up quickly. Then with a flash, he turned blue and flew away, laughing maniacally. Rouge saw the platform on the other side and arranged the camera accordingly. All throughout this, the player cried and cried.

On the way, Shadow passed the Chaos Emerald. It had giant neon signs saying that it was the emerald. The player just cried harder.

Finally, Shadow reached the core; A giant ball of yellow light, which controls the entire internet. Shadow looked at it with hatred and scorn.

"THIS IS FOR ALL THE GAY PICTURES OF ME AND THAT FAKER!"

With those words, Shadow blew up the core and the internet started to fall apart.

Meanwhile at the white house…

The president was looking out the window, minding his own business when his assistant, Peggy, sent a message to him.

"Sir? The planet has been invaded by illegal aliens who are destroying everything in sight. Westopolis has been thoroughly wreaked and Central City is under fire as well. The internet has also been compromised… oh wait; it was just destroyed by a black hedgehog.

The president went over and pressed the intercom button. "Tell the commanding general that the United Federation will never surrender to terrorist."

"But sir, they are already giving up. In fact some soldiers disguised themselves as Black Arms and joined them!"

The president, completely oblivious, simply looked at his autographed picture of Sonic and Shadow which looked kinda photoshopped. Sonic had a big grin and was using his even bigger ego to soak up ego rays to increase it. Shadow simply looked like a cross between Meta Knight from Kirby and Cloud from Final Fantasy VII: cool yet emo.

"The world was once saved by you two heroes…"

Mr. "Inspirational leader" then walked to the window and stared at the sunset

"Now we must stand united to defend our world against these invaders!

The president seemed completely oblivious to the Black Arms running around the city causing mass hysteria.

**Player: Why do I get the feeling that the Black Arms are going to win the war? **

Coming soon: the rest of this chapter!


	3. A Lovely Intermission

In some random lair…

Shadow was finally finished beaming himself to wherever he went when he looked out a window to see…

"DR EGGMAN?!"

Indeed, the bad doctor was on his way back to his lair. He appeared to be laughing at something. One would think that he was laughing at how his plans were going perfectly, but, if one noticed, he was watching another preview performance of the early version of "Spiderman: Turn off the Dark."

"HOHOHOHO! These injuries are so hilarious, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense. HOHOHOHOHOHO!"

**Player: And you wonder why you go through villain decay?**

Eggman took offense to that. "At least I don't make robots that are weak to other robots, or make buttons for my nemesis to drop the bridge I'm standing on into lava for no reason." Bowser also took offense.

"Hey, I don't make those buttons!

**Player: Then explain **_**Super Mario 3D Land***_.

"… (poof)"

_Videogame logic: out to lunch since the NES period._

Meanwhile, Shadow left for Dr. Eggman's castle… wait, WHAT?!

Act 5: … Seriously, EGGMAN has a castle?!

Shadow arrived at a locked door. The door was huge, made out of wood, and had an intimidating picture on it.

"Now a RPG character would spend time and money looking for keys to unlock this door…."

Shadow gave the door a murderous stare. He then pulled out a crowbar and bashed a door into an inch of its sad life. The door decided that life being a door wasn't worth it and disintegrated immediately.

"That's me, causing the suicide of doors since the activation of the ARK!"

Behind said door was none other than… AMY ROSE?!

"Hi Shadow! I'm so glad you're here, I need your help!"

"Amy? What are you doing here? You're the last person I expected to run into!"

Amy looked very worried and looked toward the giant spooky, castle… which was giant.

"Oh Shadow, Cream went into that gigantic castle and never came back

"That castle isn't the only thing gigantic around here…"

Shadow was rewarded with a hammer to the face. "I meant the doors! Jeez…"

"Oh I'm sorry," Amy apologized. "I thought you meant my- never mind"

"But you should see how big my pen-"

WHACK!

"PEN! HOW BIG MY **PEN **IS!"

**Player: Oh, so many double entendres so little time… **

Shadow then realized something. "Wait, why were you and Cream in the doctor's castle anyway?

"Well we were on our way to the land of happy puppies when we passed an ad for a gift shop somewhere in this castle!"

"…Why would there be a gift shop in- you know what? Never mind."

Shadow and Amy then to make their way through the castle, which felt more like a bunch of disconnected towers rather than an actual castle. It was then that they saw the Eggman robots, which Shadow proceeded to attack. At least until-

"SHADOW! STOP!"

Shadow then stopped… and got hurt by the robots. He sensed an odd feeling of Déjà vu. "Why did you want me to stop?" He said in an aggravated tone of voice. Amy sighed as if it were the simplest thing in the world

. "You were destroying the robots." Amy said simply. Shadow looked at her with a blank stare. However, on the inside, he was counting down how long it would be before he went on another murderous killing spree. He gauged ten seconds.

"And why would I not want to hurt the robots?"

"Because it wouldn't be nice." The fuse instantly decided that life was not worth it and detonated. As a result Shadow started screaming, gunned down Amy, blew up every robot within five miles, and casually went off, humming a jingle.

**Player: Looks like **_**somebody**_** needs anger management classes. Although this will probably make the level easier…**

**The Player was, of course, horribly wrong. But what else is new?**

Shadow continues his way through the castle (Read: Towers) When he spots another one of Eggman's cameras. "Oh Chaos." He mutters.

"Hello Shadow! I have another assignment for you of amazing quality."

"My back's still hurting from your little circus scam Doctor."

"No, no," Eggman started sincerely, "I'm serious, this is easy, free, and full of community service for… age challenged persons." Shadow was listening with interest now. Whenever Eggman called himself old, he meant business. Donald Trump business.

"I am at war with the Illegal aliens as we speak. My castle however, has a defense system that can repel any aliens who come here. However it needs to be activated via several lanterns that are scattered throughout my castle. Despite the fact that my robots are standing next to several of torches perfectly fine, I need you to light them all up for me."

**Player: Wait, Why can't your robots just throw a lit match onto the fire? I'm sure that your robots are at least that intelligent.**

The doctor looked at Shadow and the player, sighed and started a long winded old person

rant about a glitch in the robot stock market (Screwing several robots out of feeding their starving robot families) and how the two person he trusted to fix this (Metal Sonic and Tails Doll) were out of commission (Metal Sonic went to a deluxe vacation resort in order to come to terms with his identity) along with a curious shortage of Shadow Andr- I mean Teletubbie cassette tapes.

**We interrupt this message to bring you a special new bulletin about the parody fan fiction "Shadow's Super Happy Fun Angst Game of Doom! We have received word that Bomber58 has decided that he can no longer continue parodying the stage "Crypt Castle." In its place, he shall parody the one stage that EVERY spoof of Sonic Heroes misses. (Including one such story on this site which got **_**every other stage**_**) Enjoy your newly rescheduled program.**

**Intermission: Sonic Heroes presents **

**Casino Park/ Bingo Highway**

** Our intermission begins with Team Dark entering the city above Las Vegas/Casino Night zone known as… Casino Park! What are they doing you may ask? Well go and look it up, because I'm not going to recap the story of a game that's not-really completely different. Shadow, E-123 Omega and Rouge came to a bunch of platforms in the air. **

"So, what is there to know about this place?" asked Shadow as Rouge came back from spying on the other teams because she had nothing else to do. "Well, for starters, I heard from Knucklehead over there that all the roads are made of pinball tables." Shadow looked blankly at Rouge, assuming she was kidding.

_Meanwhile, in a mild mannered home…_

"Honey!" A typical household sitcom wife called to her, just wants a normal family, husband, "You're going to be late for another wacky day at your usual job!"

"Wowzers!"Said the man in a panic. "I can't be late for one day or else I'll risk getting fired again! To the Workmanmobile!" The man then jumped into a car, which was shaped like a pinball and took off around the pinball table. He then screamed as he hit a bumper.

Meanwhile, Team Dark were climbing their way around the buildings, taking in all the neon lights… except for E-123 Omega who was cheerfully destroying robots. That all changed when they came to a penthouse suite… made entirely of glass.

"Darn! It looks like a dead end! I guess I'll never learn who I am. Oh well, come on guys let's go-" At that moment Rouge grabbed her "acquaintance" in a hug so squeeze happy that it would make Amy Rose burn with red hot jealousy.

"Listen Shadow, I will not let anything stand in my way of robbing Eggman blind-I mean, helping you find your identity. Not my breasts, not Omega's angst at murdering his fellow robots.-"

"HERE EGG PAWN!" Omega said threateningly in the background, "YOU CAN MEET MR. CLAW!"

"And especially not my breasts! So, Omega! Break the glass floor of this really nice and expensive penthouse!"

"YES MRS. ROUGE!" As Omega broke the glass flooring, dropping everything onto a giant pinball table, Shadow wondered who's penthouse suite that was.

One hour later…

Sonic and Tails dragged an irate Knuckles into from the pinball table he was trying to climb up. Sonic then realized that the camera was on him and he turned to the audience.

"Remember kids: when a robot insurance salesman who looks like you tries to sell you a penthouse for no specific reason, just say no!" Tails then ran over, letting go of Knuckles.

"Now I know!"

"And knowing is half the ba-AAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_Static…_

Meanwhile, Team Dark came to a room with a staircase guarded by lasers leading upstairs along with several angry people in front of it (Including Team Sonic where Sonic and Tails were in body casts, curiously enough.)

"This stinks!" An angry voice cried out.

"We can't get in?!" questioned another.

"I'm the richest man in the world and even I can't get in!" Shouted somebody who sounded suspiciously like Bill Gates. Then, out of nowhere, a crocodile wearing headphones, a ninja chameleon and a hyperactive bee in fancy clothing strolled past the line and stepped in front of the staircase. A bunny outfitted Egg Pawn came up.

"Halt sirs." It said in a robotic monotone voice, "This is the way to the VIP gambling and show room. I need to see your IDs please." Vector, Espio and Charmy exchanged looks before Vector pointed at something conveniently off screen, his monocle flipping gracefully in the wind.

"*gasp* Sweet Merciful Chaos! Look over there!" When the Egg Pawn turned around, Espio quickly cloaked and ran up the staircase, chuckling manically as he did.

"I do not see anything"

"Oh pardon me good sir; I seem to have been mistaken. Let us move Charmy."

"Quite"

Charmy and Vector then quietly sauntered off in a dignified and polite manner. The Egg Pawn turned toward the now anxious crowd.

"Okay folks, move along. No VIP, no entry!"

"But those guys are getting in through a hole in the roof!"

"No VIP, no entry."

The Chaotix walked through the golden room and looked out to a giant, also golden, pinball table. Charmy and Espio looked fearfully and saw that, alas, Vector had already started watering at the mouth. Once the mouthwatering started there was no hope. The Chaotix were unaware, however, of the mustachioed fat man watching their every move.

"Excellent." He muttered happily as he watched his employees move throughout the sure to be closed down due to bottomless pits casino. "Now that those fools are in the VIP room, I can trick them into making money, meaning-" The fat man turned around, his shades shiny. _"I'll be the richest man in the universe!"_

The four teams finally made it to a platform in the sky. And up in the sky, they found Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik simply smiling in his, newly unlegged,Eggmobile. The teams looked scorned at the man who, tried to launch a fleet, kidnapping a chao and a frog, has money and Shadow's past, and whatever their client needs.

"Hohohoho!"Eggman laughed in his annoying laugh of joy and sunflowers. "How are you enjoying my army of Egg Pawns!"

"Okay Eggman, the game's up." Amy shouted. "Now give Chocola, Froggy and my boyfriend!"

"Amy!"

Neo Me- I mean the great Ivo, looked smug "That's because I haven't shown you my ultimate power! BEHOLD!" And with that abuse of caps lock, Eggman stood up, jumped into the air with a flash of light and…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

GET ON WITH IT!

…

…

…

…

…

…

Suddenly four Eggmen! Eggman #1 wore a blue version of his military jacket and rode in a blue Eggmobile reminiscent of the one in Sonic CD. Eggman 2 wore a black jacket and his Eggmobile resembled the one he was just using. Third in line was an Eggman who was using his Sonic R Eggmobile and, curiously enough, wearing his original outfit and finally the final Eggman wore… exactly the same thing he was wearing before the transformation and riding the tiny Sonic Advance Eggmobile. Each of them looked at the other.

"Hey!" Eggman 2 realized. "Why is he 'Eggman' Eggman? You wouldn't let me be 'Eggman' Eggman!" The teams watched carefully as three of the four Eggmen got into a rabidly devolving argument about who gets to be 'Eggman' Eggman (Well mainly Eggmen 2 and Final; 'Robotnik' Eggman simply flew around in circles, wishing they had ice cream.) Eggman #1 simply sighed and turned his attention back to the heroes when Tails asked a very good question.

"Umm… What's going on here?" 'Robotnik' Eggman suddenly stopped spinning and flew in front, "Living in the city" blaring out of the speakers suddenly attached to his Eggmobile.

"Silly wonderful Tails." He said gleefully, "You have no idea what we have in store for you and your friends whom doubt the power of many things! Such as cake! And as soon as I find the 'previous' button on my Sega Saturn, YOU'LL FEEL THE FULL WRATH OF THE METALI-" 'Robotnik' Eggman (Whom is totally not Tails Doll by the way) Found his mouth covered by an irate Eggman #1.

"That's it, no more idiotic babbling! Eggman 2 Is the machine ready!"

"You'll like it Neo." Eggman 2 responded, forgetting the entire charade they were putting on. Metal Sonic put a hand to the paper mask that was failing to cover his, strangely designed face. This was supposed to be an intimidating encounter to hopefully score some data on the blasted hedgehog and his idiotic friends. Of course, Metal's equivalent to several of those friends just so happen to be even more idiotic. And so, with a heavy nonexistent heart, he pushed a button on his dashboard and, after momentarily blasting 'Look a-like' (and getting what he thought was a strangely smug look on Tails Doll's face) pushed another button to reveal…

…

..*somebody throws a brick*

THE EGG DEALER!

Silence.

Metal took a glance at his three cohorts or, on TVtropes logic, 'Dragons'. The retooled Metal Knuckles looked especially pleased with himself.

Okay, that's it." The impersonator said glumly while trying desperately not to rip the heads off all of them, "Mac! Send in the robots! Meanwhile, I would like to have a conversation with my three cohorts over there…"

And so the war began. Robots fell from the sky for no other reason than because they can. Each of the teams had different ways of dealing with them. Team Sonic decided to do the ancient forbidden technique of throwing sonic all over the place. Team Dark was in favor of the ancient forbidden tactic of casting Chaos Control and shooting 'LAZORS' for 'LOLS'. Team Rose decided to do the ancient forbidden tactic of flower dancing whist Team Chaotix…

"*sigh*"

"One, Two, Three, Four!"

"_I AM A CROCODILE AND I AM GREEN_

_I LIKE TO BE ALL TOUGH AND MEAN_

_I AM A CROCODILE AND COWS GO MOO_

_I AM A CROCODILE AND PIGEON STOO!_

_I AM-" _

The Chaotix, somehow acquiring thousands of stage equipment, started playing instuments. The music was beyond description, it was invigorating, it caused every artist in the area to give up their careers because they knew that, simply put, they were mere STUDENTS in comparison. The music was so wonderful, the rest of the teams fell catatonic, the robots committed seppuku and their leaders had to resist the urge to kill themselves. (Except for Tails Doll, curiously enough.) Metal Sonic, knowing it was mere seconds before reality itself decided to end its torturous existence, threw Tails Doll at the musicians to not only save the universe, but to record that brilliant singing. Sadly, as Metal Emperor, the four would never use said recording, as they decided that it was more of a "Final Solution/Instrumentality" gig.

**We now return with your regularly scheduled Chapter, already in progress.**

Our favorite neighborhood goth proceeded bitterly through Cryptic Castle which, true to its very obvious name, was indeed puzzling beyond description. Giant balloons, lanterns in stupidly out of the way places, fake walls… Putting that giant, papier-mâché Cheep Cheep in the ball room was just cruel! Little did he know that this was not the first time he cursed the Robotnik family for their, likely alcohol inspired, architecture (COUGHCOUGHLOSTIMPACTCOUGH).

Speaking of, it was then that the fat man came out of the shadows, in a giant robot in the design of a strange purple wearing man who has a pointy nose and crazy mustache.

"Shadow!" The doctor demanded. "What are you doing here? Would it kill you to at least call?! Stupid Shadow… never tells me anything…"

Shadow looked confused. 'Doctor, you knew I was here."

"No I didn't! And not only do you destroy my robots, you lie to me as well? What's next, you break my heart- oh wait, _you just did!"_

"Doctor, I-"

"Shadow, you've said enough. Just get out of here, you jerk!" And so, the Wa-Egg Breaker ran off, its pilot sobbing. Shadow watched with a raised eyebrow before getting blindsided by Doom's eye.

"GAH-"

_Shadow… You must come to the ancient ruins in some desert far away… and hurry up your tardy*** I haven't got all day!"_

Shadow looked at the eye of his boss in intrigue. Black Doom had noticeably vanished after "THE INTeRNETZ" fiasco, but Shadow was having too much fun destroying Illegal Aliens without getting yelled at to notice. 

"Doom! What are you doing here?!"

"Not important." The illegal alien lied. "Now, get ready to be chaos controlled Shadow. Because today shall be my big score!" 

Black Doom then laughed from his home office on Black Comet Zone Act 3, as he wildly smashed his not fingers on the keyboard.

**To Be Continued?**

**Author's Notes: Sorry this took so long but –Lazyness + other story(ies) = Lack of updates. In fact, I apologize for sitting on this for so long.**

**For those who read this, as well as the rest of my stories, I have a poll for you:**

**Which of my stories should I focus on?**

**You have several choices:**

**Adventure Mode: A Smashing Melee – The story most of my effort is currently going into (Planned length – 10 chapters)**

**Kirby: The Super Star Wars – A parody of Kirby Super Star. Not as highly prioritized but still in progress (Varying chapters per Arc)**

**Shadow's Super Happy Fun Angst Game of Doom – A parody of Shadow The Hedgehog. Currently on hiatus (Prologue – 4 chapters, 3 Paths – 3 stages per path)**

**Bowser's Modern Life – A collection of oneshots and other tales concerning the life of Trophyverse Bowser. (One shot collection)**

**Obviously, Bowser's Modern Life will have the first few one shots given focus before moving back to my other stories. If you are interested in seeing more Shadow (or anything other than Adventure mode having a stable release schedule) feel free to vote. **


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